He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
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we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
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Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize