Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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