Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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