did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize