he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize