i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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