I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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