So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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