Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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