I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
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The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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