he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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