I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize