I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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