i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
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he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
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I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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