just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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