is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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