Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize