hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
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update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
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You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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