Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize