Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize