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Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
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