walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
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The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
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Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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