My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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