Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize