I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
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what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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