There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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