Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it's great music for shaving your balls
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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