so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
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Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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