he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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