btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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