So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
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My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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