I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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