I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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