why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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