her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize