Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
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Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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