the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
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A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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