Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
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He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize