She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
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I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
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This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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