if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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