If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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