I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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