Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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