yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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