Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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