If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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