I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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