I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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