I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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