Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
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He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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